Only she didn't say it, she texted it, and by the time I noticed it, I was blurry-eyed and heading to bed. How could I respond anyhow in a little text screen when the answer is so variable and complex and depends partly on what I've had to eat?
So I started a new blog.
What? When I already have one dying of neglect? Eh. Just couldn't bring myself to veer from the format I'd chosen for that one, of essays I'd put more thought and care into. So here is my brave new blog, home for all the blather no one but my dearest f & f (friends & family) would bother wading through. If I manage to have Real Thoughts worth recording, I'll stash them in Roller Derby with the Saints and trot them out before the eyes of Facebook and the world at large. But mostly I'll probably write in here and sort of slip it under the table for you guys to read. IF you want to. Gracious and generous souls that you are.
Truth be told, I am highly influenced/motivated to write here because of a blog Ruby privately keeps. She lets me read it, yay, and if I can inspire a fraction of the enjoyment in you that her writing gives me I will be very happy, and so will you. (Don't bug her to make hers public, though. Maybe she'll let me publish little excerpts from time to time...)
It would be foolish and futile for me to emulate her style. I will probably try anyway, at least unconsciously. Even when she's just venting, I'm glad to hear about her highlights and lowlights because she's dear to me, so I figger you all might not mind hearing about mine. Hope not.
I miss you! That lies under so much else. At first the thought of each one of you would come easily bidden to mind, and it was almost as if you were in the room, with the memory bright and moving; and you were in the room, in my heart. (Aww.) Now time's passed enough so that I'm coming to be aware of the space around me where you used to be...space in the room, in the week when we used to meet, and of course, the absence to me of those places I used to inhabit and you still do, I hope: CVP, The Cottage, the parks, the library, Freddy's. (There is No Fred Meyer in Moscow. Auuugh.*)
Don't tell me I'll make new friends! Well, I might. I might even try. But the thought of you still gladdens me enough that the lack of close company nearby, even the lack of you, is bearable. Does that make any sense? You linger. Because I love you, and I'm pretty sure you love me too, I can relax and feel my soul expand and Good Cheer arrive when I remember you.
Great Scott. I hope you have your boots on...you're wading through a lot of goopy gush.
So how am I, besides the squishy sentiments? Well, that will have to wait for another post: once again, it's bedtime. Good night!
*Very oddly enough, I started not one but two new blogs today. I sort of bungled one attempt, then decided to divert its focus a little so that it is more about Place: what I miss from home, what I'm learning to appreciate here. I will prolly post its address too, but not yet.
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